Last weekend, I broke my pocket book once again. Need I explain? Shoe shopping! I found one pair of heels that cost me a weekend getaway, but I had to have them because they were gorgeous and the sales guy was soooo cute (and not gay might I add). They were six inch, open-toe, nude, snakeskin, and completely fabulous. I had to exhibit the latest edition to my unnecessary collection at the next possible event; so I wore them to my younger cousin's high school graduation. I knew there would be little walking, grass, or dancing involved, so I wore my little green dress too. I looked hot, even though I say so myself. So they day was upon us and to make the ten meter journey from my door to the car required me to be very crafty. I had to avoid dirt, grass, holes, and getting in the car without flashing anyone. It was a beautiful day with sun and temperatures of 90 degrees; which is probably why the school made the last minute decision to hold the ceremony on the green. Crap. I would be outside in the heat with my new heels sinking into the grass every time I took a step. To make matters worse, my five hour walk across the lawn to my seat (which I spent badly attempting not to get stuck) had meant I was one of the last to arrive and there were no more seats. I looked around for a cute guy that would give me his seat, but the crowd was overwhelmed with weeping grandmothers and small children. I had two choices; stand and risk the possibility of my shoes being engulfed by the lawn, or sit on the ground and pray the grass didn't make any stains. I sat for the sake of my babies. The heat got unbearable and my legs had pins and needles. Just when I thought my life couldn't be any worse, my day-dream was interrupted by the sound of my name being called. I tried to locate the voice, but only when they repeated it again, I knew where it was coming from. The principle at the podium (who's name I have already forgotten) was calling my name and gesturing that I come and join him. I could suddenly feel four hundred eyes staring at me. If I though getting into the car was hard, this was another thing entirely. My mini-dress and heels had made it impossible for me to get off the floor with any grace what-so-ever. Once my rise was complete, I had to walk down the grass aisle to reach the podium. I tried to walk on the balls of my feet, but honestly it didn't work, and I could feel everyone was silently pissing themselves with laughter. As I walked up the skinny steps of the podium, I came face to face with my newly discovered nemesis. It turns out my cousin had conveniently forgot to tell me that he had volunteered that I do a speech about college in front of all the guests. Luckily I was an expert on the subject, and managed to make the five minutes go by relatively painlessly. But then again, anything wold have been less cringe-worthy than my decent down the aisle.
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